A Reflection of Practice
A letter to my patients
During my Qi Gong practice this morning I was breathing into my 3rd chakra/respiratory diaphragm/ “Yellow Court” (in Chinese Medicine), asking for release. This part of my body has been tight for as long as I can remember, and for those of you who know me well, you know this tension relates to the fact that I cannot belch. Yes, you read that right: I cannot belch. Well, to be fair, an actual burp will pop out a few times a year, surprising me and eliciting celebration from me and whoever else might be around at that glorious moment! I have no control over them and they are usually insubstantial in the grand scheme of belches, but it is a triumph for me. So if you are one of my patients and I belch during our appointment, my apologies, and I invite you to join the celebration! (NB: this has not happened, to date).
I have been working with this solar plexus region off and on for the last 15 years, with minimal shifts, yet I persist in trying to crack through this “black belt” that wraps me up. As I work with it, I learn about other parts of myself, and I heal other aspects of my body and/ or being that were out of balance; my efforts are not for naught. I am grateful for how this aspect of my body has led me into all of these other areas.
This week, after 5 days of intensive Qi Gong training and practice, my attention is particularly drawn here. I am reflecting on the process of healing and the persistence it takes to “heal” rather than to “fix” a health problem. Various patients come to mind and I find myself in a moment of reverence for these people who come to see me month after month, committed to healing, even though their progress may seem infinitesimal. The pelvic pain that improves 1% with every consecutive menstrual cycle, the cough that rattles deeply but evolves and tells a story as it changes, the sciatic pain and tension that wanders and changes while my patient’s’ life lights up and opens up and her spirit bursts forth into vast new dimensions of inspiration in life. Then there is the long-awaited pregnancy that finally takes form.
It took me over 5 years to clear myself from debilitating menstrual pain, but I would never go back and make that process any faster. The insights and experiences I had along the way are absolutely beyond measure. I am forever grateful I was able to trust that knowing deep within me that said “No” to surgery and hormones.
In our Western culture we want a fix. We want to be fixed. And we want it yesterday. We do not want to be slowed down and we tend not to value the experiences that deliver nuance, quiet revelation, or a slower pace. We are often too busy to enjoy the journey, we just want to be there! And yet, we crave magic. We know there is more.
I began my journey with Qi Gong in 2003. By 2006 I had let it slide for so many reasons related to the above (ie it slowed me down too much to have a Qi Gong practice!), but I craved it from then all the way to 2020 when I connected with my current teacher, Noel Taylor here in Victoria. Last summer, under the building heat of the morning summer sun, my feet barefoot in luscious grass, I attended a Qi Gong class taught by Noel and I knew I had come home again. I knew it was time to say YES to this practice of healing and cultivating my life force energy. Saying “Yes” to this path meant for me to begin stepping further off the path I have been on, and re-engaging with the path I left in 2006 when I stopped my studies of Chinese Medicine. Deep down I also knew this would mean letting go of certain aspects of my life and my work as an ND, which felt tremendously scary, even though it felt right.
The healing journey comes with so much nuance. To allow ourselves to heal means not only taking an herb or a remedy, coming in for a treatment or engaging in a meditation practice. To allow ourselves to heal means we learn to say “yes” to uncomfortable things and “no” to old habits. It means softening to receiving new information about ourselves, and making some difficult changes. It may mean disappointing people. And so much more.
I am writing this today as I revisit how I work with my patients and how I serve in the world. Changes are coming as I continue on my own healing journey. And I want each of you to know how deeply I regard you and your path, and I am honoured to be someone who accompanies you and helps you to find the doorways to insight, the inspiration to change and the bravery to keep asking yourself the hard questions. And most of all I honour you for continually “showing up.” You inspire me to keep serving you.